I'm feeling more optimistic today. Tomorrow is my first "mind and body" class, which will help me deal with all of my anxiety and also connect me with other women who are experiencing similar issues. And what's really great is that it is being taught by the nurses at the medical center where I go to see the specialist. I feel some relief that they can provide me with some guidance about how to apply these steroids. I feel like I'm just screwing things up down there.
What's ironic about all of this is that I used to complain about having to do my dilator homework. I dreaded it and thought it was a disruption. Now I can't even do the homework because I'm in too much pain. I never thought that I would long for the days when I was doing physical therapy, but here I am. I miss feeling successful, making tangible progress, and having the support of my physical therapist (who still calls me even though I haven't been there in months). Today I made several appointments with her starting in June, so that's my goal for getting back on track. I know I can do it!