Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Difficult Time

It's been a while since I've blogged. For the past couple of weeks, I have put all of this part of my life on hold, which I never thought was possible since it's typically all-consuming.

My father passed away in early July. He was suffering from bipolar II and jumped from the top of a parking garage. I had seen him the day before and we had talked about his depression. I assured him that things would get better. He patted my leg and his eyes welled up and he gave a small nod. He asked me to stay a bit longer, but I told him I had a lot on my "to do" list. He hugged me - twice - and thanked me for supporting him. I told him I'd see him tomorrow, but tomorrow was the day he died.

I feel guilty and sad and angry and if I let myself think too much about him and his death, I feel nauseated. I'm writing about this because I wanted to let everyone know why I've been gone a while, but also to shout from the rooftop that if you know someone who is suffering from a mental illness, please please please talk to him about it and encourage him to get help. My dad was seeing a psychiatrist, but he didn't give it enough time to help him.

I went back to physical therapy today, but I'm not sure when I'm going to have the energy to devote to my health. I'm determined, though, so I know that it's only going to be a matter of time before I resume my treatment. For now, I just need to rest and try to find some peace.