Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In a year...

I can't believe it's been over a year since I last wrote. There have been moments in the last year where I've been tempted to write, but - for whatever reason - haven't. I've been in a funk lately, focusing on just the negatives - the pain I'm in every day, the inability to have intercourse (still!), the fact that I'm almost 35 and eventually want kids, but can't, and on and on and on into the self pity spiral I go.

So...instead...I am going to focus on the good things from the past year and try to give myself a little credit where I can.

1. The day after I moved to a new town, I had an appointment with a new physical therapist. That didn't work out - definitely wasn't the right fit (is this like dating or what?), but the fact that I didn't put it off is a definite positive.

2. I found a new physical therapist who is very encouraging and supportive in a kick-butt kind of way. She has confidence that I will conquer this and that, while I'll always have to deal with the skin issues, I shouldn't let that deter me from moving forward. When I feel hopeless, I try to remember how far I've come rather than think about how far I have left to go.

3. I have been seeing a new therapist who I really like. We've been focusing mostly on dealing with my dad's death, but I feel like the more progress I make in that arena, the more space I have to deal with all my v stuff.

4. With just occasional flares, I've been keeping the lichen planus under control even though applying the steroid ointment and estrace is still difficult for me.

5. I'm on an every-six-months cycle with my vulvar specialist. That has to be a good sign, right?

6. Even though I've moved away, I've continued to be close to my two "vulvodynia" friends who I met at a class over a year and a half ago. They are such an amazing support to me and are truly inspiring. I think I would have lost it a long time ago if it weren't for them.

OK...so 6 things is a good start. I also just celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary and, considering all we dealt with this year (new town, new job, new dog, the year anniversary of my dad's suicide, another memorial service, etc., etc.), I'm really proud of us. We're in it together.

Here's to the positive...