Friday, August 5, 2011

Trying to stay positive

There's a funny thing that happens whenever I have new pain or irritation or itching or fill-in-the-blank. I immediately rush to the worst case scenario, thinking that on top of everything else, I'll have to live forever with this new symptom. This is really not good or productive thinking and I'm doing my best to override it, but it's hard, knowing how the last few years have gone.

In the last week, I've been experiencing a real burning kind of irritation in addition to itching. Because I live in a different state from my vulvar specialist, I had to pick an ob-gyn at random, which is terrifying. I found this person through the NVA, so at least I know they have experience with vulvodynia patients, but it's still anxiety-inducing. I see her on Monday, and I hope it's just a minor infection that can be cleared up with meds. Because right now it's putting a hold on everything else.

Despite this recent development, things have been going pretty well with physical therapy. I've been able to insert the large dilator and my husband and I have been attempting penetration (with no success yet, but we're trying). After repeated attempts, I decided this is more a mental issue than a physical one at this point, considering how well I do with my dilators and during my physical therapy sessions. I feel anxious and scared and my muscles tighten up, making it impossible for anything to get in there.

I was prescribed valium to try to relax a bit and have started dealing with my emotional issues in therapy. Does anyone have experience with valium? Tips? Things to avoid?

So now I wait until Monday to see what the doctor thinks. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay positive.


  1. Two women in my V support group recently started using compounded valium suppositories. One uses it for pudendal neuralgia and the other has generalized vulvodynia. But I think in both cases it's believed that muscle spasms contribute to pain. They find them very helpful. Sorry my info isn't related to vaginismus exactly, but I would guess there is similarity with muscle related issues(?). Best of luck with your new doctor. It could be that the burning is just a minor infection or something that can be treated easily.

  2. I went to to a two week treatment in New York (if you check out my blog, at the top I talk all about it in a page called "New York Womens Therapy Center Trip). I would be fine with the dilators but when they had my husband come in and watch me the pain would suddenly resurface and I would begin to cry. I realized then that it was all mainly mental for me. The xanax help to calm my nerves. I had to take a smaller dosage as the one they prescribed made me SO sleepy- but it did help. Now I can have sex and use my dilators most of the time without xanax.

  3. After reading your article I realize that physical therapy is one of the best way to get rid of neck pain.