Wednesday, October 7, 2009


There was a time when all I could think about and focus on was my vulvodynia/vaginismus. It defined me. Even when I wasn't actively thinking or worrying about it, it was the running backdrop to everything I did or thought.

And then when my dad died this summer, I found that my thoughts shifted. Suddenly, the energy I was putting into my treatment - all of the acupuncture, the herbs, the meditating and stretching, the physical therapy, etc., etc., etc. - was needed elsewhere. I found that I could not physically focus on both my vulvodynia and coping with my dad's suicide. I was exhausted. I needed a break from everything. I stopped the herbs and acupuncture. I slacked off on my ointments. I no longer did the stretching and biofeedback homework that I used to be fairly diligent about.

When I went back to see my specialist a couple of months after all this happened, I discovered that taking this "break" did me no good, not surprisingly. My skin was inflamed again, almost as bad as it was before. Stress can exacerbate my condition and I don't know if I've ever been more stressed out than I am now, what with dad's sudden death, my upcoming wedding, and an imminent move to a new city. I went back on the ointments, started stretching again, and am trying to keep motivated. I saw a lecture last week by a doctor who specializes in vulvar pain and was frightened by what she shared about lichen planus. I am trying to be a good patient. I do want to get better. It's just exhausting.


  1. I know exactly what you are going through. I have vaginismus and I am in the process of overcoming it right now. I also have a blog ( where I will be documenting my journey to overcome. I plan to get botox on my vagina from Dr. Pacik in New seems as though he has a high success rate for this. I have tried almost everything and now I am determined to overcome this for once and for all.

  2. Hi -
    I’m a reporter for a South African news site, and I’m working on a story about vulvodynia and vaginal pain disorders. I found your blog in the course of my research, and I was wondering if you would be willing to be interviewed for my story. I know the subject matter is sensitive, so we could use just your first name or a pseudonym if you prefer. Let me know if you’re interested and we can set up a time to be in touch. You can e-mail me at olga dot khazan at Thanks and take care.

  3. Hello, I am also suffering from Vaginismus and am blogging about the experience at
    Thanks for sharing your story. It is encouraging to know there are others out there going through the same thing I am !!

  4. Hello,

    I'm sorry about your dad and the stress it has placed on you.

    Would you please put a link to my vaginismus blog on your site? The address is I want to help other women.


  5. Thanks, everyone! I've added your blogs to my site.