Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This will not define me. This will not define me.

"I will not let this define me, I will not let this define me...."
I have found myself chanting this a lot in the last week--usually when I'm headed to bed or taking all my meds in the morning or evening. I find that the vulvodynia takes up so much of my thinking and being, that I realize I'm in danger of turning into the vulvodynia girl. And that's the last thing I want.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself.
I don't want to be dealing with this for years or for the rest of my life.
I want my fiance and I to be able to have a sex life.
I want to be normal.


  1. *sigh* I know exactly how you feel. That's a good mantra to have. I might need to start saying that too.

  2. Hey there,

    I was googling around as I sometimes do to see if there are others who are struggling with vagnismus. And after reading some of your posts, its like reading my own journals. My name is Kim and I've been married for 3 1/2 years now and trying my freakin darndest to overcome this "issue". It's downright frustrating at times and a complete battle to stay encouraged and determined when your emotions and body are working against you. I do have hope that one day I will overcome, one day. And it is a sliver of hope, but at least its something. Don't give up. And don't let this define you who are. It's not who we are. And we will overcome :-)


  3. Thanks guys. Comments like yours help keep me motivated. We can do it!

  4. I just found your blog through the BlogHer Post. I want you to know that I struggled with Vaginismus during four years of marriage - never consummating. It was a dark, dark time in my life... feeling like a total freak of nature.

    Today I am remarried and have a normal sex life. There IS hope. It may be a long road... and I'm holding that hope for you.


    P.S. I'm releasing my memoirs of that time period soon. You can learn more by watching my book trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LmDDNLyk4M&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

  5. Thanks for sharing your story - gives me hope. I'll look forward to reading your book!