I started back with physical therapy a couple weeks ago after an 11 month hiatus and was feeling really good about it. I was able to insert the biofeedback sensor without any trouble, my physical therapist was able to do internal massage without too much pain, and I was enjoying being able to see real progress being made in my ability to relax my pelvic floor.
And then today I noticed some pain when my physical therapist began to apply the lidocaine. It was like a tightness and burning and tenderness near my clitoris that I hadn't really noticed before. I told my pt about it and she noted that the skin did look irritated.
Which of course made me think back to last July when I was in the same room, on the same table, having a very similar conversation about pain and skin irritation, only to be diagnosed six months later with lichen planus and vulvar vestibulitis.
I am at a breaking point. I am so tired of these false starts, the constant attempts at remaining positive and doing my best to feel hopeful even though what I often want to do is curl up in bed and sleep until this is over. If I have another major setback, I'm not sure where I will find the energy to keep going. And even as I type that, I know that I *will* find the energy - I always do - and that I will live each day with hope that the worst is behind me.