Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Difficult Time

It's been a while since I've blogged. For the past couple of weeks, I have put all of this part of my life on hold, which I never thought was possible since it's typically all-consuming.

My father passed away in early July. He was suffering from bipolar II and jumped from the top of a parking garage. I had seen him the day before and we had talked about his depression. I assured him that things would get better. He patted my leg and his eyes welled up and he gave a small nod. He asked me to stay a bit longer, but I told him I had a lot on my "to do" list. He hugged me - twice - and thanked me for supporting him. I told him I'd see him tomorrow, but tomorrow was the day he died.

I feel guilty and sad and angry and if I let myself think too much about him and his death, I feel nauseated. I'm writing about this because I wanted to let everyone know why I've been gone a while, but also to shout from the rooftop that if you know someone who is suffering from a mental illness, please please please talk to him about it and encourage him to get help. My dad was seeing a psychiatrist, but he didn't give it enough time to help him.

I went back to physical therapy today, but I'm not sure when I'm going to have the energy to devote to my health. I'm determined, though, so I know that it's only going to be a matter of time before I resume my treatment. For now, I just need to rest and try to find some peace.


  1. I am so sorry that I haven't checked your blog in all this time and that it took me so long to see your post. My heart is breaking for you and I can't even imagine what you're going through. I know it has to be extremely difficult to deal with and I hope you pull through and find some comfort. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

  2. so sorry to hear about your father. my dad has struggled with depression for quite some time. i'm going back home this weekend, so i'll be sure to talk to him a little more about things than i planned on. so sorry for your loss, and thank you for opening up and sharing your story.

    i had lots of low points with little motivation because of 'outside' factors. but keep strong and you'll get there!

  3. are you still blogging?
    the pain of losing your father that way must be horrible. my father is suffering from depression, severe depression. his depression sunk in deep once i began to suffer from pudendal neuralgia. he watched me suffer and suffer and suffer. i would share more but it is very personal. feel free to e-mail me if you want to. thank you for sharing.

  4. I need to keep blogging, but clearly I haven't in forever. I'm so sorry to hear about your father and will definitely get in touch offline. Thanks for your thoughtful note.

  5. I've recently come across your blog and read all your posts. We have much in common: I'm in my 30's, have lichen planus/sclerosis, vestibulodynia, and vaginismus. I've done PT and numerous medical approaches. It's still a work in progress and very emotionally trying. I wonder how your doing these days...better, I hope.

  6. Hi Sloan, Thanks so much for your note. I'd love to be in touch about your experience. Email me at if you're interested.